At my last shrink visit she was going down the usual list and when we were talking about staying on the Topamax she said something about "I assume your previous Dr mentioned about how you have to monitor your electrolytes on that." And I said *blink blink* well no of course not.  Is that a type of gun?  Then no.  So she said "Ok let's go ahead and do a check on those today...just out of curiosity, have you ever had your vitamin D tested?" and I naturally said "No" because, who has, right?  So she added that to the list. 

I get the results back and the normal range for vitamin D per blood unit is something like 50-70.  Mine is like...3.  I say "huh - that is not good."  I get plenty of sunlight so I assume this is a combination of a) not getting enough calcium and b) drinking way too much soda so I go out and get some calcium + D suppliments.  I check the electrolyte readings and they are kind of confusing.  They are lower than the normal range.  When I go to the explanations for why they might be low or high it says they might be low because of dehydration or kidney disease or liver failure/cirrhosis.  High because of cushings disease or alcoholism.   I had to chuckle at this because I think she was trying to catch me out for alcoholism.  The liver/kidney thing might be because the previous dr had me on such a high dose of meds but he tested my liver function pretty regularly to make sure it was ok and I always fell within the normal range.  That pretty much left dehydration - she told me "quit drinking so much soda."  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  AND after I'd already been taking the OTC supplements a couple days she said "I'm putting you on prescription vitamin D: 50,000U once a week for six weeks."  WTF!!! Jesus lady, that's a little drastic - the usual daily dose of D is 400U - COME ON!

Anyway, I'm going to take my first one tomorrow.  Kind of nervous about that because it says like "side effects may include frequent urination, vomiting, heart palpitations" etc etc etc.  Ok, I'm already running to the bathroom 50x more than usual because of drinking water instead of soda half the time.  My body is rejecting it as some kind of foreign substance.  (And that's your TMI for the day.)

Interestingly enough I was reading up on the whole vit D deficiency thing and I guess it's very common in overweight people, but it's not entirely known if that's what causes ppl to be overweight, or if them being overweight causes the D deficiency.  (It depends on if it is a site trying to sell vitamin D or not basically, heh.)  Well, I'll keep you posted regardless.  It will be interesting to see what happens.  It's curious to me that she came up with that out of the blue and turned out to be so on-the-nose with it.  I'm really glad I switched Drs.

Went to visit psychiatrist today and things are like 98% good.  She said "so how are things" and I said (in a nutshell) "way hella better."  I talked about how we just got back from a trip to Tahoe and for the first time in like, the last three or four times we've went there I've actually gone out and done things and had a good time doing them instead of just sitting in the room and sulking or reading a book or looking at the internet like I would've at home.  (Well, to be fair that one time I had food poisoning and spent the whole time on the toilet or projectile vomiting.)  Then she said "and it LOOKS like you've lost weight?"  Which was surprising because I didn't think it was enough to notice but I did lose like 7 pounds or so and she said "that's great! So like 7 pounds in 2 months? That's really good!"  Well I lost 7 pounds in like 2 weeks because I was really really trying and I haven't been able to lose any more since so I got all bummed out and gave up.  Since I've been off that other medicine that was making my metabolism crazy I don't feel like I need to eat constantly all the time and I really don't eat that much anymore so I don't know why I'm not losing more weight.  I mean my job is pretty active - I do a lot of lifting and push around the med cart on rounds once an hour or so; it's not like I'm parked at a desk all day.  Anyway and she was like "any you're having regular periods?" and I was like "Yeah, but now that I am I notice how bad my moods get before hand - before I just thought it was part of normal being craziness...is there anything I can do about it?"  She asked how bad it was and I was and I said it was to the point where I was like endangering relationships with people because I was being so obnoxious and rude [some of you have had the joy of experiencing this!] but now that everything else was fine it really made it noticible RIGHT THEN when it was happening (or in hindsight.)  She was like "well there's nothing we can do to medicate just that while it's happening, you either have to do something else all the time or nothing...do you want to just keep tabs on it and see what happens?"  So that's what we're doing with that.  There was talk before of taking me off the Topamax and doing just the Lamictal but everything seems good the way it is for now.  She said "Everything seems to be going good so let's go with a longer time between visits - 4 months?  You can call me if you need to."  4 MONTHS!!! EEP!

On the way out of the parking lot my I saw my old shrink walking to his car -- he even walked stupid!  Once I realised who it was I totally wanted to run him over but I was already turning the opposite direction....besides, I didn't want to mess up my new car.  ::sings:: "Ohhh what a lucky man...he was..."

I had a follow-up appointment today with the shrink lady to see how I'm doing on the new meds and I told her a million percent awesome-er than the other crap I was on.  I don't feel like a big tree sloth (much) anymore and my skin cleared up and my period started again (after like, a year and a half or something?  I thought I was having early menopause and she said I might have PCOS and should have an ultrasound on my ovaries but apparently it was those damned pills fucking with my hormones.)  She said "great!" then I asked if she knew if the new drug had a side effect of bruising because I seemed to be bruising really easily for some reason and she said "I don't think so..?" but then checked and said "You know we can check your platelet count just to make sure." so I had to go take a blood test after.  She said "any other concerns?" and I said "no." and she said "Ok...see you in six weeks then? Is that too soon?" I said "Uh..no?  Did you have any more questions for me?  I thought you said last time you wanted to ask more questions?" And she said "No, they're not always going to be hard visits."  Okie doke.  I was only there like 15 minutes, not sure I got my $10 worth.

The wild part was I got to see a bona fide crazy person in the waiting area.  She came up to the window without an appointment with these two giant beach bags and started ranting about how her mother was having hallucinations and she wasn't informed about this situation and someone was going to have to call her lawyer if this was going to persist or some such nonsense.  Then she sat right next to me even though there was only one other person waiting and there were like 30 other places to sit.   I grabbed the first magazine I could get my hands on and stared intently at it.  A doctor came out and called the other person waiting and the woman immediately spun around and shouted at him: "YOU KNOW IF BARACK OBAMA TAKES THIS ROAD FROM MARTINEZ TO CHICAGO EVERYONE HAS TO DROP EVERYTHING TO LISTEN IMMEDIATELY!"  The doctor said "Oh...reee...leeey?"  "YES BECAUSE HE'S TRAVELLING WITH [somebody] WHO'S TRYING TO INTERCEPT THE MESSAGE! HE'S THE REALLY BAD DUDE!"  Dr: "Oh...I see..."  Me: *starestarestare*  at magazine.  The doctor and his patient leave while the woman fidgets uncontrolably next to me.  A minute later a doctor comes for her mumbling something about did she bring her meds, lol.  Maybe that's what was in the two giant bags - HA!  (I shouldn't laugh - that could be me someday.)

Huzzah!  I think we have a keeper!  She was like the first lady I had almost.  She said "first I like to ask some questions to get to know you better."  Her office was nice and neat and beautiful with a desk against the wall.  She did not have a desk between the two of us cluttered with a million papers and heavy glass paperweights you want to slam on people's heads for making you so angry.  She did not spend the whole time reading a list of questions on her computer like "do you have a gun?"  She asked "So tell me about your medications." and I went through the supposed reasoning behind why I'm on so many, and why I didn't want to be and she asked "and what was his method of gauging when you needed the dosage upped on the Valproic Acid?" and I said he would say my blood levels should fall w/in a certian level and ask how I was sleeping or if I was more or less agitated than the last visit six months before. (like I could remember that long!)  And then he put me on the Topamax to lose weight and it didn't work (though I suspected it was because he thought I drank too much and it didn't work for that either) and when I said I wanted to go off the Valproic Acid for something else because of the weight gain he said "no we should add something else so it can work together" that's when he put me on the Lamictal and now that's messing with my sleep, and I'm so tired and doped up feeling I can't do crap but lay around the house and watch TV and read the internet.  She said "how tall are you?"  I said 5'1".  And what do you weigh now? I said about 185/190 - before I started on the Valproic Acid I was about 130/135.  That's like 1/3 my body weight!  She's all "Uh, yeah, in two years?  That's a definite correlation there.  I'm going to take you off that for sure."  BOING.  I wasn't expecting that.  She said she's going to take me off the Topamax too (since she doesn't think it's doing anything), but after the Valproic Acid first. 

Also, get this!  She was all: "ok, let's talk about alcohol." And I cringe of course.  She's like "How much do you drink?" and I was telling her how the old shrink had me pegged as a hard-core alcoholic drinking from sun-up to sundown, but in reality I drink maybe a few nights a week - sometimes to excess.  If you'd want to slap a negative label on me it would be "binge-drinker" - get it right, please!   Anyways she was reading from the previous guy's notes I think and said "but you'd consider your dad an alcoholic you said?" and I said quite possibly.  He can put away a case of beer a night, and if he doesn't get to it by a certain time you can tell he's starting to freak out a little.  I added that his whole side of the family drinks pretty heavily.  Then much to my amazement she replied: "Well I'm ok with your drinking, I suspect you're genetically hard-wired to it, but I want you to try and keep it to a couple times a week and two drinks.  Ok?"  OK?!?!  I KEES YOU!

Interestingly enough she followed this with "do you drink any caffeine?" and I said I drink a lot of Diet Pepsi.  And she was like "5 or 6 cans a day?" and I said "Well if I work I drink 1 or 2 actually, but if I'm at home maybe 5 or 6, but only 3 have caffeine, I switch to caffeine free around 4 or 5."  She asked how long I'd been drinking that much soda and I said since I was a teenager pretty much; my first job was at a movie theater and it was downhill from there.  She said "ok, next time we'll talk about caffeine."

OOOOH!  A cliff-hanger!

I get to go back again in 2 weeks to check on my progress off the first drug.  (A shame really - I have like 5 unopened bottles left, lol.)  And hopefully we'll get to touch on stuff we didn't have time to this time around.  We did cover a lot of ground and hopefully dicking around with my meds will help a great deal.

I can't believe this finally happened. 

Background: there's been this big kidnapping case around here where a little girl was found dead and stuffed in a suitcase in a drainage canal after like a two-week search.  Everyone was totally freaked out and on edge about it.  The killer turned out to be the local Sunday School teacher who lived a few houses down who was a friend of the family.  People were all "How are we supposed to protect our kids and say "go to an adult or teacher for help" when it turns out they might be the killers?"  The local news is of course having a gruesome field day.

Anyways.  I'm on my way to work on Saturday and decide to stop at Wendy's and treat myself to a birthday lunch.  I'm having the Spicy Chicken sandwich (so my nose is already running anyway) when I overhear the family at the next table running down every possible danger scenario with their son who looks to be 4-5 years old.  "What if someone dressed like a police officer rings the doorbell and tells you to open it?  What if he has a badge?  YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!  YOU GO GET A GROWN-UP!  OK?"  I totally lost it .  I dropped my sandwich and started sobbing into a pile of napkins.  It was the most embarassing thing ever but I don't think anyone noticed.  They were busy feeding their own kids and stuff.

There was another guy a few seats down from me though who I think also overheard the same family.  We both left at the same time and as we were leaving he made a kind of "whoa!" sound.  They weren't even being freak-out about it, and the kid wasn't even being scared.  But how awful that it's come to this.  Heavy stuff. 

Speaking of HEAVY STUFF...I got my new driver's license in the mail today and "EGAAAGH, I've seen better heads on boils!"*
Seriously, I look like Jabba the Hutt and almost started to cry.  Now I have yet another reason to never leave the house - I might get pulled over and have to show a policeman my license!  Or even worse - I might actually look like that.  (Oh holy Christ, that's more likely.) Foul.

*Name that quote!

What is it when you don't have like, actual Agorophobia but you don't want to leave your house?  I mean I can leave when I have to, to go to work and stuff, and if Bruce says "let's go get dinner" then I say "oh ok" because that means I don't have to cook dinner I'm up for that...but it's getting to be anything else is rougher and rougher for me.  I've already said something to my shrink about it and he didn't seem too concerned about it, it really bothers me.  I used to love going out and just exploring the area.  I have all this stuff that needs done - taking books to the used bookstore FOR MONEY, etc and I can't heave myself out of the chair to go.  Last night I was fixin' to make dinner with the new Foreman grill Bruce bought me for Xmas and it's apparently crapped out already somehow.  He said "well there's a 2 year guarantee -take it back."  I felt this horrible sinking in my chest.  I said I'd check online and see if anyone was having the same problem and if there was a way to fix it.  He said "the way to fix it is take it back!"  I said "But then I'd have to go outside and talk to people!"  Ugh.  Do not want.  I felt like saying "you know the *easiest* way to fix it? Toss it over the fence in the backyard!"

Back from another not-very-productive session with my shrink.  I said I was feeling kind of up and down emotion-wise.  Having a lot of bouts of aggression/agitation due to, you know, stuff relating to the election and the economy and work (A couple weeks ago there was a TB scare at another local hospital so we all had to have our TB history updated and fill out forms saying "what other medical issues are you being treated for and what medications are you on?" and I was like WTF?! None of your fucking business!  Seriously - now my boss knows I have "mental issues" or whatever, not to mention the people in the lab and whoever else that form got forwarded to.  Can that be used against me later?  GRRR.)  Plus Bruce had some deal going on with his legs and had to go to the hospital because he was in extreme pain and get all kinds of xrays and they put him on all kinds of new medication but don't have any idea what it is, so I'm still bugging out about that. And any other random thing on the news will piss me off lately, from the $50,000 suicide net they want to build on the Golden Gate bridge to the way the Channel 4 weather lady always looks like she's on her way to a Frisbee golf game.  (Jeez - everyone else is in a suit; give the poor girl a clothing allowance already!)

Anyways, he asked if I was having any periods of depression and I said not so much depression but I was finding I was pretty much sloth-like all the time and it wasn't a period it was ever since I was put on medication.  Like, I didn't ever want to leave the house and go anywhere and do anything, not even anything fun, like a movie or shopping.  He suggested upping the dosage of one of the medications and I said "won't that increase my slothitude?"  He thought a minute and said "Are you eating breakfast?"  I said "Yes - sometimes two!"* and he said "Why is that, because one isn't enough to fill the hunger?"  I shrugged and said I just really really really liked food.  He asked what exercise I was getting and I said walking to the store to get more food.  He made me get on the scale and I'd lost one pound since my last visit, LOL - IN YOUR FACE! (Luckily my job is actually a lot of fairly physical work.)

He did have this sage, doctorly advice, though:
"You know, I'm thinking if you're serious about losing weight, you might want to consider dropping the second breakfast."
"YA THINK?"
"Just from a medical standpoint."
"You're the doctor!"
He even told me about how "some people" who like to eat "A LOT" do it by having A LOT of small meals throughout the day.  REALLY?  I've never heard about that.  I've never heard about it about a million times the last 5 years.  It works really well judging by all the Deal-a-meal kits I see in thrift stores.

I almost said: "You should write a book, like that Dr. Phil."

So we're going with rounding up one of my other meds to a whole pill (joy!) and seeing where that goes.  We were joking that that one might be the culprit for my new "naturally" curly hair.  I  dunno if I've mentioned it yet but I had stick straight hair for 35 years and then BAM I couldn't get my brush through it one day and couldn't figure out why.  I kept getting it cut and every time it would start to grow out it would look awful because I was trying to do the same thing.  One day I noticed it had a cute  "finger wave" sort of look, and then I was reading a thread on the SDMB about someone having a similar issue and people were giving all sorts of advice about skipping shampooings and airdrying and mousses, etc and here I am, on my way to Elaine Bennes-dom.  He said "Do you like it?" I said: "Yes! I really do!" And he said "Well, all right then, though it's an awfully expensive way to get curly hair." ROFL.  (Are you kidding me?  He must not know what it costs to go to a salon and get a perm!)

*I don't really eat two breakfasts - though I kind of eat an early and late dinner, since Bruce doesn't come home for dinner until around 8 or 9.  Technically I have a "teatime" with better food than England around 4 or 5.   So I guess I do have the fewer small meals thing, but most of the meals are nachos, if you want to know the truth.  Haw haw haw!

After having the period from hell last week I'm now in the best mood I've been in for months and months I think.  I've been in a funk for ages it feels like.  I'm getting ready to go to work and I'm not dreading it.  It's a normal good mood and not a crazy "drink a bottle of tequila and dance on the tables" kind of mood.  Hopefully it will last a while before I come crashing down, or at least through vacation next week. Fingers crossed.

O MG I dare you to read this without crying - this poor child!
http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/may/24/30gtteacher-lets-students-vote-out-classmate-5/
This is the exact thing that would make me wake up sobbing when I was a kid...I was SO AFRAID they'd all gang up against me like this and there'd be nothing I could do about it.  If I could kill this teacher with my mind I would.  What could possibly make someone DO such a thing?!

The Topamax is kicking in.  One of the side effects is cola (or is it just diet cola?) tastes like major crap.  Man oh man does it ever!   It didn't stop me from getting drunk last night though (as was probably evident by my posting.)  It just made me add more liquor to cover up the taste of the soda.  Also, it's springtime, so out with the vanilla vodka, and in with the lime vodka!